Too weak to stop her own bleeding, Ana allowed Kaori to bandage her magically-inflicted wounds. Dan saw that she was right; they weren\u2019t deep. They were, however, large, the abrasions covering most of her body. Ana insisted that she would be able to heal once they could rest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now that the battle was over, the flow of magical energy from the mages had stopped. The result was that everyone felt drained, as if they had gone a full day without sleep, and been fighting the whole time. Ana said the feeling would only get worse. They needed to find a safe place to rest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gideon decided that they would make for the fallback point. It was close to the Underdark cavern where Valkrill\u2019s wellspring lay, but since it had been shielded from detection by Jandar\u2019s mages, they would be safe there, invisible to unfriendly eyes. Once they got their strength back, they would enter the Underdark. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The ninjas procured some strips of black cloth, and Dan helped them wrap Trela\u2019s body in it. She looked peaceful, her expression at odds with her gruesome wound. She was still smiling serenely as Dan began to wrap her head. He paused, pushing some stray strands of brown hair away from her face. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How could she look so peaceful? Dan knew he wouldn\u2019t look that way if he were dying. He would do everything he could to keep himself alive. But Trela hadn\u2019t done that. She had told Jaseff to stop healing her. Why? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It didn\u2019t make sense to Dan. First Ana, and now Trela. Did all the mages care so little about their own lives? Dan shook his head. He carefully wrapped Trela\u2019s head, gently covering the wound. Then her mouth, then her nose, and finally her eyes. Dan looked at them one last time, the lids closed, the expression so peaceful. He would never forget that look. He sighed, and wrapped the rest of her head. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once all of the slain wolves had been pulled beneath the trees, where they would be invisible to passing kyrie, two knights arrived to carry Trela. Jaseff, who Dan thought would stay by her side, instead moved to the middle of the group, surrounding himself with knights. He spoke to no one, and kept his eyes downcast. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Neither Jaseff nor Ana were able to do much healing, and, as Dan had guessed, Sharwin couldn\u2019t heal at all. The ninjas seemed to have basic knowledge of how to treat wounds however, and bandaged those who needed it. Then, limping, wincing, and favoring various limbs, the group moved for the forest, coxing the last vestiges of energy from their bodies. It was morning, and the sun was up. They couldn\u2019t be seen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dan watched Jasseff as they walked. He didn\u2019t weep. He didn\u2019t speak. He simply put one foot in front of the other, looking at nothing but his own two feet. He didn\u2019t need to say anything, however. The way he moved was enough. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dan knew he was looking at a defeated man. Jaseff was broken. Dan could imagine how he must feel. What if he had lost Heleer? Would he be the same as Jaseff: defeated, broken? Would that be the end? Would he be finished? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dan had to admit it would be. There was nothing beyond Heleer and his horizon. If they were taken from him\u2026 he couldn\u2019t even picture the pit of darkness which would engulf him. But then, unbidden, he remembered Trela\u2019s face. She had died. She had been separated from everything she loved and desired. And yet she had been at peace. Dan watched Jaseff, and saw the opposite: he had lost everything he loved and desired, and now he was devastated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How could the reaction of one be so far from the reaction of the other?
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They found the fallback point easily. Jaseff was one of the mages who had protected it, and led them to a nearby stream. He didn\u2019t cross it, but followed it a ways until they came to a wide gully. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis whole area is shielded,\u201d he whispered to them. \u201cAs long as we stay in the gully, we won\u2019t be found.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One by one, the group slid down the embankment and into the gully. It was dry and covered in soft grass and moss-laden boulders. It was wide, and plenty long enough for them all. They settled against the boulders as comfortably as they could, and with no other option, gave in to sleep. Once they were rested, Ana and Jaseff would be able to heal them. And then\u2026 then they would steal Valkrill\u2019s amulet.
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It was dark when Dan woke, feeling sore all over. His right side in particular was sore, and when he gingerly touched it, it seared with pain. He guessed having a massive wolf sit on top of him might be the cause. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Others were stirring in the gully, though all were quiet, knowing how close they were to Valkrill\u2019s wellspring (even though Jaseff had said that they couldn\u2019t be heard). There were two glimmers of flickering light in the gully, and Dan soon discerned that they were Ana and Jaseff, healing those who needed it. He quickly made his way over to Jaseff. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jaseff was busy healing Gideon, who was lying against a large mossy stone and grimacing as Jaseff worked. By the light of Jaseff\u2019s magic, Dan could see that Gideon\u2019s wounds were many and deep. Only the bandages of the ninjas had kept him from bleeding out. Jaseff still looked pale, but Gideon\u2019s wounds mended steadily under his concentration, and soon they both stood. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMy thanks,\u201d Gideon said. \u201cBut remember what I told you: don\u2019t overexert yourself. We need you in there, and Ana\u2019s a lot stronger at the moment. Let her do most of the healing.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jaseff nodded, but said nothing. He turned, and saw Dan. \u201cAre you hurt?\u201d he asked. His voice was hoarse, and his face was hidden behind his long dark hair. He made no effort to brush it out of his eyes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes,\u201d Dan said, a little uncertainly, \u201cbut I\u2019m sure Ana can handle it. Gideon\u2019s right. You should\u2014\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSit,\u201d Jaseff said. His tone wasn\u2019t commanding. Neither was it calm. It was devoid of all emotion, bereft of all feeling. It was the voice of an empty shell. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dan sat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhere?\u201d Jaseff asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMy rib,\u201d Dan said. \u201cI think that wolf might have cracked it.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jaseff\u2019s palm flickered with a faint blue light. \u201cYou\u2019re right,\u201d he said, still in that same dead voice. \u201cHold still.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dan braced himself against the rocks beneath him, but he felt no pain. Instead, he felt his ribs moving slowly, steadily back into place. It didn\u2019t hurt exactly. It just felt\u2026 unnatural. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry about Trela,\u201d Dan said as Jaseff worked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jaseff said nothing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dan didn\u2019t know what else to say. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey buried her,\u201d Jaseff said unexpectedly. \u201cAt the head of the gully, some of the knights buried her.\u201d His voice was still dead. \u201cAna was there. She said Trela had a full life. That she died happy.\u201d Jaseff paused in his healing and looked up. \u201cHow can someone die happy, Dan?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jaseff\u2019s voice held a measure of confusion, but Dan didn\u2019t know the answer. He was just as confused as Jaseff was. \u201cI \u2013 I don\u2019t know,\u201d Dan said. \u201cAna\u2019s said some things which don\u2019t make any sense to me either.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey make sense to me,\u201d Jaseff said, resuming his healing. \u201cShe\u2019s just trying to make me feel better, by somehow suggesting that Trela was happy about dying.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI doubt she was happy about<\/em> dying,\u201d Dan said. \u201cBut she seemed at peace.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOf course she did,\u201d Jaseff said, his voice returning to its empty tone. \u201cShe was doing the same thing as Ana, trying to make me feel better. She always did that. She was always considering someone else, and never herself.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Jaseff was silent for a moment. His palm flared briefly, and then went out. Dan felt fully healed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat\u2019s why I loved her,\u201d Jaseff said quietly into the darkness. \u201cShe was fearless. She didn\u2019t care what happened to her, as long as she could save someone else, be that an ally wounded in a drow attack, or a boy \u2013 or a boy about to throw away his last chance at a good life.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Jaseff\u2019s voice finally broke. Dan heard him take a shaky breath. \u201cIt\u2019s your job to save us now,\u201d Dan said. \u201cThat\u2019s what she said, isn\u2019t it? It\u2019s your turn?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Jaseff shook his head. \u201cI can\u2019t save you,\u201d he said. \u201cWhen I first met her, I decided I wanted to be like her: fearless. But I can\u2019t. I\u2019ve tried for years, and I can\u2019t.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Dan didn\u2019t accept that. Before Heleer, he would have said nothing could convince him to be patient, to simply wait for an opportunity to escape. He had been wrong, and Dan believed Jaseff was wrong too. \u201cYou can be,\u201d he said. \u201cYou can be just as fearless as Trela was.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNot without her,\u201d Jaseff said. \u201cI need her.\u201d He let out a sigh of defeat. \u201cI always needed her. I was always too cautious, too afraid<\/em> of everything. She was my shield. I thought that if I got to know her, then I would become confident like she was. And what happened? I just hid behind her, content to let her take all the risks and challenges for me.\u201d Jaseff sounded disgusted with himself, but worse, he sounded defeated, like he had given up on everything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s not your fault, Jaseff,\u201d Dan said quietly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Jaseff sighed. He got up and pulled Dan to his feet. \u201cI know,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s just\u2026 I wish I had been better. For her.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou can be,\u201d Dan said. \u201cTrust me, you can be.\u201d Gideon found Dan shortly afterwards and told him that they would enter the Underdark at daybreak. \u201cThe drow are nocturnal,\u201d he explained, \u201cso it\u2019s a better time for us. Get some more sleep. I\u2019ll wake everyone at dawn.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Still feeling worn and sore, Dan was grateful to get more rest. He settled back in the spot where he had slept, and was soon far away from Valhalla, chasing distant horizons and following Heleer\u2019s calling voice. <\/p>\n\n\n\n He was pulled from sleep by Laelia just as the faintest hint of orange began to tint the sky. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTime to get up,\u201d she whispered. \u201cJaseff\u2019s gone.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGone?\u201d Dan echoed. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI mean he\u2019s gone,\u201d Laelia said. She sounded almost as defeated as Jaseff had. \u201cHe left while we were all sleeping. Kaori has already sent ninjas out after him, but he has too great a head start.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut\u2014\u201d Dan got to his feet. \u201cBut\u2026 I was just talking to him. Why would he leave?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Laelia glanced at him before turning away. \u201cHe needed Trela. He wasn\u2019t just saying it. He couldn\u2019t enter the Underdark without her. He was too afraid. Come on,\u201d she added. \u201cGideon wants to talk to us all at the head of the gully.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n She led Dan up the gully, past restless knights and ninjas. All were preparing for battle, checking their armor for damage or sharpening their swords. Gideon, Ana, Sharwin, Otonashi, Francois, and Kaori were clustered at the head of the gully, waiting. Dan and Laelia sat down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRight,\u201d Gideon said. \u201cI\u2019m sure by now you all know that Jaseff has left us.\u201d He looked a bit lost as he said it, as if he couldn\u2019t quite believe it. Dan glanced at Laelia. She looked as if she had no trouble believing it. If anything, she looked acceptant to the point of defeat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSome of you,\u201d Gideon said, forcing some certainty into his voice, \u201cmight be wondering if he had the right idea.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n No one said anything. Dan knew he would go into the Underdark no matter what \u2013 the way back to Heleer was there \u2013 but looking at the others, he could tell they were uncertain. Jaseff\u2019s desertion had been completely unexpected. None of them knew what to think. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI won\u2019t lie to you,\u201d Gideon said, \u201cgoing in there is going to be dangerous. We\u2019ve already lost several of Francois\u2019 men to the wolves.\u201d He glanced to the right as he spoke, and following his gaze, Dan saw several fresh graves nearby, rough stones with chiseled names on them the only markers. He couldn\u2019t see which one was Trela\u2019s. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t believe in ordering people to do something when I know it\u2019s only going to make the situation worse,\u201d Gideon said. \u201cSo if any of you are having doubts about going into the Underdark, I\u2019d like to hear them.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n No one spoke. Dan both wanted to stay as far away from the Underdark as possible, and at the same time knew he had to go straight to its very heart. There was no choice for him. Vydar had made sure he had only one option. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Glancing at the others, Dan saw that they didn\u2019t seem so sure. In fact, the only one who didn\u2019t have doubt or fear written all over their face was Otonashi. She looked calm and peaceful, but somehow Dan sensed a quiet determination coming from her. He didn\u2019t have any trouble believing that she was ready to take on the whole of the Underdark herself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to do this,\u201d Gideon said, surprising them all. Everyone looked at him. \u201cI don\u2019t,\u201d he said, \u201cand I doubt any of you do either. For the first time since the war began, my whole family is together under one roof. I don\u2019t want to be out here, in the middle of Braunglayde, about to dive into the Underdark. I want to be with them.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n He took a breath. \u201cBut I\u2019m going in anyway. I believe in what I\u2019m doing. Utgar is trying to take away Valhalla\u2019s freedom, and that\u2019s wrong. It\u2019s as simple as that. If my father taught me one thing, it\u2019s to not stand by if you can fix something,\u201d\u2014 he glanced at Laelia \u2014 \u201cor save someone.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Laelia saw him look at her. Dan saw her mouth tighten, and in that moment, he realized that she wasn\u2019t merely disappointed that Gideon had killed Caius. She was actually angry at him. It was a stupid reaction, but based on what Jaseff had told him, it made some sense. After a moment, Laelia got up and walked away. <\/p>\n\n\n\n There was a moment of silence. Then Sharwin spoke. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to go in there either,\u201d she said, her voice quavering slightly. \u201cAt times I think about leaving, about just slipping away. But I always remind myself that I can\u2019t.\u201d She paused and wiped her eyes. \u201cI have a son,\u201d she continued, \u201ca three-year-old son whom I have never seen since the day he was born.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n No one spoke. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy husband was\u2026 away when he was born. And thanks to a surprise attack from Valkrill, he never saw his son. I was urgently needed at the front, and as soon as I was able, I entrusted my son to the care of Syvarris and his wife. They were both retired from the war, and I trusted them to raise my son. I swore I would return once the threat to Ullar\u2019s territory was handled\u2026 but I never did. Since then, there has always been a place I must go, an army I must fight, or a force I must join. Because of the war, I haven\u2019t seen my son since I placed him in Syvarris\u2019 arms.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSurely Ullar would understand,\u201d Ana said. \u201cSurely he could make an exception and send you back, even for a little while.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sharwin shook her head. \u201cHe\u2019s tried. More than once. But every time, something new arrives, and I must leave again. Every time, I tell myself, \u2018this is the last time. The last time I\u2019ll be called. After this, I\u2019ll see my son.\u2019 But I\u2019m always wrong.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhy don\u2019t you leave?\u201d asked Kaori gently. \u201cYou said you think about it sometimes.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI do,\u201d Sharwin said. \u201cI dream about seeing my son, about seeing his face, about raising him myself. But every time I think about that, I know that I would be living a lie. The war has taught me a lot, and there is a lot I would teach my son. But one of the greatest lessons I would teach him, would be loyalty. I could never do that if I had deserted my own Valkyrie to do so.\u201d Sharwin drew a breath, steeling herself. \u201cAnd that is why I will enter the Underdark. That\u2019s why I will continue to do whatever Ullar needs me to, until I can see my son without betraying all I\u2019ve sworn.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Silence followed these words. The similarities between Sharwin and himself were not lost on Dan. They were both stuck in the war, both unable to be with the ones they most desired to see. But that was where the similarities ended. Dan would give anything, do anything, to see Heleer. Sharwin would not. She knew her horizon, she knew how to get to it, but there were lines she would not cross. Dan thought about that. Were there lines he would not cross? Or was his horizon and Heleer the only things which mattered? <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat about you, Ana?\u201d Gideon said. \u201cI know you never wanted to come on this mission.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Dan looked at Ana. Her skin was pale, but in places it was reddened, evidence of her magic still visible. She looked frail, fragile even, but in her light green eyes there was a calmness Dan had never seen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI never wanted to be in this war, let alone this mission,\u201d Ana said. \u201cBut that doesn\u2019t change anything. As long as there are people for me to heal, I\u2019ll go wherever I\u2019m needed, even if that\u2019s Utgar\u2019s throne room.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Gideon smiled. \u201cThen let\u2019s end this war together,\u201d he said. \u201cWe get Valkrill\u2019s amulet, and we get one step closer to victory, and peace for Valhalla. Then we can all get what we want.\u201d As they prepared to move out, the knights and ninjas lining up, Dan saw, from where he stood near the front, Gideon and Laelia talking. He had the distinct impression that Laelia\u2019s confidence was slipping away, that her determination was deteriorating out of control. Gideon was talking to her, and Dan felt he must be trying to prop her up, to save her from the despair which was about to engulf her. But Laelia walked away. She wouldn\u2019t let him save her. She wouldn\u2019t let anyone save her. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Dan watched Gideon as Laelia left. He saw on his face only sorrowful determination. Gideon watched Laelia join the knights, and then turned back to the rest of the group. \u201cMove out,\u201d he called. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Dan looked back, the whole column of knights and ninjas behind him. None looked determined. None looked confident. Not one face looked like it was ready to enter the Underdark. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But that was exactly what they had to do. Too weak to stop her own bleeding, Ana allowed Kaori to bandage her magically-inflicted wounds. Dan saw that she was right; they weren\u2019t deep. They were, however, large, the abrasions covering most of her body. Ana insisted that she would be able to heal once they could rest. Now that the battle was over, the … Continue reading Chapter Forty-Five – Healing<\/span>
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